buddhabear

Thanks To All...

It's been so long since I've spent quality time on dA and I miss it!  I haven't been taking pictures near as much, though I have been doing some recording with my new Canon CamCorder. ...and now I'm off again! Goodness, I drive seasonally, for a local rental car company, and this is the season! We drive 15, 12, and 7 passenger vans to and from Orlando, Tampa, Sanford, and West Palm Beach to all points in  between in Central and South Florida.  High School and College Softball, baseball, lacrosse, soccer, track, and some swim teams, from all over the Untied States come to Central and South Florida this time of year to compete against each other. It can be totally crazy at times and very tiresome, but fun at the same time.
I miss my friends here and to Moneshine, I shared that drawing you did of me on Twitter and then shared the link to your profile here. Folks love it! (as do I)

Gary

Thanks To All...

Well here we are in October already of 2012.  The End is Near! lol yeah, right..anyway, I'm back on dA after having had my head up my butt for many months now. I'm not a good multi-tasker and being OCD, I tend to do go to the same sites everyday.  In this case it's my own website (BeardedGents.com), or one of my 3 Facebook pages,  2 YouTube pages, and1 Twitter...mostly all promoting my website.

I have still been taking pics (with my Canon G9), mostly storm pics, but I take tons of pics with my phone. lol Ahh modern technology! I hope everyone is well and creating art!

Gary

I would like to 'Thank' all of y'all who check out my profile and gallery! I appreciate that and that you took the time to look at my works!

I feel I need to let my friends know about a recent incident in my life and my apparent hard headedness too.  It was the morning of Monday, March 28th, 2011 and I had a neighbor over and we were chatting...he left around 9:30 am and as he left, asked if I wanted the door closed and I said 'yes.'  I had started feeling kind of strange and figured the door should be closed. My mouth started to get really dry and I got up to go get a coke out of the fridge and within seconds after opening the refridgerator door I collapsed on the floor on my knees.  My heart was racing,  I got incredibly short of breath and started to sweat profusely.  Within minutes, I had lost contol of most of my bodily functions too and was on all fours on the floor in front of the fridge begging for my life.  The soda wasn't doing anything, so I reached for a bottled water and drank only a small sip and had to put it down..so I had the coke and a water sitting on the floor in front of me, with the refridgerator  door open, on all fours.  My heart was still racing and I was gasping for air, but talking aloud to myself. I felt if I kept talking aloud, I could keep air moving through my lungs.  I kept feeling this was  battle of good vs evil and I WAS going to win. (the good side of course)



I told myself that maybe I needed food and reached for and managed to open a yogurt, but then the dry heaves started and I had to put the yogurt down with the other two things. I didn't think things could get worse, but they seemed to be. I picked the yogurt up and tried to get my tongue in the tub to get some out...there was no way I could have gotten a utensil out of the drawer, as I couldn't move. My legs, from the knees down were numb and tingling and I knew they wouldn't work.  I got a very small bit of yogurt in my mouth and got it down, but then the dry heaves started again. I was sweating so much, my shirt was dripping and I was very overheated and started to pour water over my head to try to cool myself off.  It did a little good, but the heaves, body functions gone awry, and gasping for air did not stop; nor did my talking. I was literally begging for my life and saying to myself (again, aloud) that I was NOT going to die on my kitchen floor and that I WAS going to see my 49th birthday in August. I also have a guest coming down this week and was telling myself I was going to be  alive to entertain him. My dog had been near me, but he seemed so scared he ran off and hid under the furniture somewhere.  I stayed on the floor for over two hours dealing with this condition and trying to make myself laugh, I kept telling myself to close the fridge door so I wouldn't waste electricity.  I DID manage to close it and within maybe 20 minutes afterward, was able to pull myself up off of the floor and made my way to the bedroom.



I kept telling myself that I did NOT need 911 and that I could beat this on my own. Stupid I know now, but at the time, felt empowering...sort of. I had recently done an update on my phone too and it was not working right as I couldn't always answer phone calls nor could dial out on it, so I figured best to leave it be. After I got on my bed, the sweating, heart racing, and breathing difficulty started again...and I lay in my sweat with my dog glued to my side. When I got up in the kitchen, he came to my side and followed me in the bedroom where he stayed close. I laid there maybe an hour or so trying to figure out what the hell was happening to me and still begging for my life; again, telling myself and Holly, that I was NOT going to die in this condo... Holly was my friend who died on Sept 1st of last year...when I found her, she was in the same room, the bedroom, dying. I was kind of creeped out, but still begging.



I decided then I needed to try to get a hold of someone for help..silly me. I managed to get up off of the bed and made it to the living room where the phone was. I texted a friend, the one who did the rennovations on this condo, and told him to please please please come up.. He responded and I told him I was dying, but not to worry...I would be okay. hhmm I wasn't thinking clearly either I guess.  I called my best friend and could barely talk, and was trying to get him to come up from work in Melbourne, to help and be with me, but he gave no incication that he was going to come up, and I felt this was it..I  WAS going to die alone in this place, though my begging did NOT stop, nor did my saying that I wasn't going to die here. I stayed on the couch, sweating and heart racing for hours it seemed and by the time things calmed down it was around 4:30 pm and I was able to move around, though not well..I probably looked like I was very drunk, staggering around and bumping into things.  Later in the day I decided to call my shrink and leave a message for her and tell he what had gone on. I described it as 'a heart attack, a drug overdose, and a grand mal seizure all rolled into one.' I now add 'like an exorcism' to that description.  I managed the rest of that day on my own, though it took my much effort to do normal things..like take the dog out, do dishes, etc.  I laid down to nap and when I woke I was happy that I had indeed awoke, but was still staggering around, not good on my feet at all.  I took yet another nap later, a short one, just to see if I would wake up again...hhmmm odd.



The next day, Tuesday, my shrink's secretary called me and said 'you left a very disturbing message for Dr Dunn and she wants you to go to the ER immediately!' and I told her I was  fine to which she responded, 'I don't know what you told her, but she is very upset.'  I assured her I was okay and that I'd talk to the doc on my next visit on the 19th of April.  Just so y'all know, I have a shrink who monitors me and my meds for my long term disabilty and for Social Security disability from an auto accident in 1991 that nearly killed me. (I fell alseep at the wheel coming home (to Bennington, VT) from Albany, NY where I had been partying).



Just a few weeks prior, I had asked a good friend to be the beneficiary on my life insurance policy and he agreed.  After this, I asked him if he would also be my beneficiary of my Will and we'd already discussed in the way past that he'd take over this site (beardedgents.com) should I leave this world.  I am okay now friends, so please do not worry. I am a very strong willed, stubborn person, and I have no plans or intentions of going anywhere.

There are two kinds of people that go around beardless in this world; boys and women, and I am neither! -an old Greek saying...

I would like to 'Thank' all of y'all who check out my profile and gallery! I appreciate that and that you took the time to look at my works!

I've been so busy with my own website and the fan pages for it I run, plus all of my own profiles, plus things going on in my life, I'd left deviantart at the door...though I've still been taking pics, just not submitting them or anything..they just sit in the files they'd been uploaded too to sit...and collect cyber dust I guess.. I'm trying to get more involved with the site again. I DO love dA, and am trying to get back into focus (Pun intended!!) with this site and my passion for photography my own way..LOL

There are two kinds of people that go around beardless in this world; boys and women, and I am neither! -an old Greek saying...

I would like to 'Thank' all of y'all who check out my profile and gallery! I appreciate that and that you took the time to look at my works!

Warning; This is a somewhat traumatic story so be prepared for disturbing visuals. (seriously)



It was the morning of Wednesday Sept 1st, 2010; just a few days ago. I had gotten up, done my morning 'thing' , made the coffee, packed my pipe, taken the dog out and had noted the weather, it was lovely out. Toby and I came back in and I fed him. I was on the computer answering emails and listening to Cafe Cody on the laptop. Since I had been outside already, I was thinking what a wonderful day it was going to be. As we all know, time flies when you're sitting at a computer and before ya know it, it was 9:30 am or so. I got to a message on FaceBook from a good friend who had owned my favorite coffee shop..and we were discussing some personal issues and she was giving me the benefit of her experience. My phone rang and it was 9:45 am. It was my neighbor upstairs and my first thought was to call her back (because she probably wanted to go to the grocery store) and finish responding to this email first; so I did. I finished the email and moved on to another one..not so important..the phone rang again (at 9:49) and again it was my upstairs neighbor, so I answered it....



Her voice on the other end, as she was crying and gasping, said "call 911 and let them in.' and then hung up. I picked up the phone immediately and called 911 and told them I needed an ambulance and maybe police; she's an alcoholic and can be somewhat unstable and she'd threatened suicide before, so I was unsure what was going on. Got the ambulance on the way and then I went upstairs into the storage room to get the key to her place out of the lockbox. (I'm the President of the Condo Association) I proceed to her door, opening it slowly, half expecting to see her lying on the floor of her living room with a gun in her hand and blood splattered about, but she was not there thank God. I breathed a slight sigh of relief briefly, but I noticed the bathroom light was on, so I rushed to see if she was there. (WARNING) She was not in there, but I noticed the floor was covered in dried feces and it was all over the toilet, there were a few pairs of shorts on the floor covered in it too... I then heard a noise and turned to run into her bedroom. There she was, in the bed, flailing her arms and legs about, looking like a living corpse wearing nothing but panties and a shirt. Her eyes looked like they'd been glued open and they were very hazy looking; her skin was void of color and looked almost fake. She was gasping to tell me she couldn't breath and I tried to calm her down and get her to stop flailing...




I called 911 again to tell them she couldn't breathe. I then heard the sirens and knew they were about here so I told her to try to be calm and I'd be back...went outside and flagged em in...a police officer came too as I had mentioned suicide. He and I spoke briefly outside and then I walked into the room to see what they were doing. She was still flailing around and begging for help while the EMT seemed to be taking his time as he looked at the filth in the room. I got peeved, but turned and walked out to let them do their thing. I went back outside to the officer and he asked me if we needed him; I said no, this was a medical issue, NOT a suicide attempt. At about the same time the EMT's were coming out of the room with their bags saying she was refusing to go to the hospital. I ran back into the room and she was lying motionless in the bed in somewhat of a fetal position on her side wearing a nebulizer. I said 'Holly, you HAVE to go to the hospital, you have to!!!' I went back out and the officer and EMT were talking so the cop walked in and saw the filth in the apartment and declared it 'unfit' and they took her. They wrapped her in a sheet like a mummy from under the arms down and took her out in a chair of sorts..rescue chair? Weird, but anyway her dad (91 yrs old now) showed up and they were putting her on a stretcher; she was completely motionless, like she was dead. They got her on the stretcher and got her in the rescue truck and then sat there.




I spoke with her dad a few moments and the officer came back up to ask Sam some questions about her..and told us that they couldn't leave until she was 'stabilized' and they sat about 25 minutes there. We both answered questions and then the officer left to go to the ER and her dad left too. I stayed home; I feared what was coming and so did Sam.




About 1 pm maybe, Sam comes back to look for her insurance papers and stuff and tells me she's not well at all...and it's not looking good. Maybe 20 minutes later he came back down and said the ER had called and told him her heart had stopped twice and asked him to return immediately. I didn't hear another word until I listened to Sam's voicemail at 11 pm that Wed night (I had never heard the phone ring).



Holly had passed away in the late afternoon, prior to 5 pm I believe. The hospital told Sam she had had 6 heart attacks while she was at the hospital and they think she had one at home and in the rescue vehicle on the way to the ER (it was a rather 'violent' death). She was 53 years old and a dear friend of mine. She was a wonderful person; smart, talented (played piano and sang), witty, well read, up on current afffairs,and friendly, but she was a victim of spousal abuse in the past and has/had some major demons. She loved Classical music and was proud of her family's Scottish Heritage. Over the years I'd watched her slip down from 105 lbs to about 80 lbs.. She ate in a week, what I put away each day and she drank a lot of wine and smoked two cartons of cigarettes a week. She was as near a recluse/hermit as one can be in a city and didn't care to be in public.




I'd noticed in the last month, when we'd go to the store together, she was buying more food ( a LOT more) and no wine and only one carton of cigs. I thought wow, she's eating better and she's stopped drinking, but didn't make a scene about it.. The last time I had physically seen her was on Sunday, Aug 17th and she was not doing well. She had to use a walker to get to the store acoss the street. A 5 minute walk took us 30 minutes..coming back, it took 45 minutes; she was in so much pain, in her hips, she couldn't take more than a few steps at a time and then stop.. she kept bursting into tears and yelling she wanted to die. I was upset, but there's no consoling her...just let her go..I kept trying to encourage her to keep going and was trying to help her too. After another 30 minutes we got her upstairs and in her place and I put her groceries away for her and told her to lie down and I'd talk to her later. I didn't see her again until Wed morning...by the afternoon, she was gone.




I was traumatized and very disturbed at what I had witnessed and what had happened, but I needed to 'shake it off' as I had a friend who had already told me he was coming up to stay the night and hang out..so he showed up and we were watching tv and talking when all of a sudden, there were sirens and lights flashing outside...it was 8:45 pm (Wed 09/01 still) and there was a firetruck, a fire rescue, and two police cars on the property. Oh no!! not again! omg.. I walked into the lot and looked towards Holly's door (not sure why, but I had NOT heard the message at this time) but then I saw the firemen went east on the second floor and smoke was billowing out of unit 34 and the kids that lived there were hanging on the railing..the boyfriend had left a pot of grease on the stove, which he also left turned on...the kitchen is complete toast....his girlfriend, the resident, asked me what she needed to do..i said call your agent and tell him what happened and get a report number from the police and the fire dept... The next day she tells me her Landlord was filing suit against her and she asked me if they could legally do that...my God she's dumb as a box of rocks...26 yrs old and has no clue...







So that was my Wednesday September 1st, 2010

May Holly rest in Peace finally, her demons took her that day.

There are two kinds of people that go around beardless in this world; boys and women, and I am neither! -an old Greek saying...